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5 Ways To Instil Confidence In Our Children

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If we have confidence growing up then we can tackle any problem – we’re not afraid to ask for help, to speak up or make new friends.
I’m a life coach and have worked specifically with children and teenagers for the last seven years. The same issues come up again and again, and the underlying theme is confidence, or lack of it.

 

The most common problems for children and teens that parents seek out my help with are anxiety, fears, bullying, friendship problems, exam stress, career decisions and study motivation.

Parents separation/divorce, moving schools/house, screen addiction and sleep deprivation are often part of the problem too. 

By not allowing our children to live under any limitations, by always encouraging them and teaching them to believe in themselves, we can instil confidence in our children from a young age that they can carry in to their working lives.

 

By encouraging our children to believe in themselves, we can instil confidence from a young age that they can carry in to their working lives.

 

I think our upbringing and our personality play a huge part in how confident we are, but certain events in life can also ‘rob’ us of our confidence. I have a friend who says a teacher embarrassed her in school when she wasn’t able to read, and she never wanted to speak up again in front of people after that.

Thankfully the truth is we can learn how to be more confident. We can learn how to practice feeling confident, and learn how to cope with difficult situations.

Here are some of the key things I’ve learnt about building strong foundations in confidence.

 

Be Careful With Expectation

Be careful with labelling your child or expecting certain things of them – we can sometimes live up to the expectations of our parents and no more.

 

Allow Time To Talk Without An Agenda

Allow your children one to one time with you, as much as possible, even if it’s only going to the shops together. Chat with them with no agenda or expected outcome and just enjoy their company.

This helps us to see them as individuals and not just humans we are responsible for. Sometimes it can seem like we’re always trying to mould/train/teach them to live a certain way – I’m speaking from experience here. I need to remember as much as others to just try to relax, listen to them, have fun and enjoy their company.

It will lead to a better relationship and help them to feel worthy of your time and attention.

 

We have to give our kids the tools and rules to follow, and allow them more freedom.

 

Stop Getting Involved In Their Drama’s

Try not to make their problem your problem. For example, do not get caught up in their dramas – i.e. getting defensive about how someone treats your child. Instead, try to give them the tools to cope themselves. 

We try to control so much these days and there is so much scare mongering about the ‘bad’ things that can happen that we tend to monitor kids so much more now than previous generations.

We have to give our kids the tools and rules to follow, and allow them more freedom.

Parents in Denmark and the Netherlands are said to have the happiest kids in the world, and they are given much more freedom and encouraged to be outdoors all the time. In turn, this teaches them how to deal with all sorts of social situations. 

 

If you want to teach a child how to be sociable and talk to others, show them how it’s done.

 

Be Mindful Of Your Own Confidence Levels

Our children mirror our behaviour more than we realise. It’s human nature. If you want to teach a child how to be sociable and talk to others, show them how it’s done.

A mother once asked me for help as her child wasn’t getting invited to parties or for play dates – but she had never invited anyone to her own house for a play date, nor had a party for her child where she invited kids from school.

The mother told me she found the social side of parenting very difficult and didn’t know how to approach other parents. We had a very frank discussion that went something along the lines of – you have to get over this and work on your social skills unless you want your child to have the same issues.

 

Invite like minded friends over for play dates, and also others types of personalities that will challenge your child.

 

Talking to other parents and inviting friends over is a big part of making friends, especially for a child who is struggling and not naturally sociable. 

Invite like minded friends over for play dates, and also others types of personalities that will challenge your child.  

 

Confidence Can Be Learned With Practice

A huge amount of the work I do is about our inner-talk and what we tell ourselves. We can always reprogramme our minds, at any age and any stage of our life. Neuroscience has discovered that whether you are genetically more inclined to be anxious or not, you can still make new healthy pathways in the mind and lead yourself away from the anxious behavior. I believe the same is true of confidence. 

 

About the Author

Caoimhe O Grady Tegart The Confidence Clinic

Caoimhe O’Grady Tegart of The Confidence Clinic is a Child and Teen Life Coach and also a qualified Hypnotherapist. She lives in Skerries, North County Dublin with her husband and 3 children.

A qualified Business and Life Coach, Caoimhe writes, speaks and coaches on the topics of Confidence, Anxiety, Bullying, Finding Happiness and overall mental health and well being.

The Confidence Clinic run Summer Camps in July and August throughout Ireland, for children age 8-12. Their first online course called ‘Think Confident – Be Confident’ has just launched, and includes four hours of cartoons, videos, actions to practice and relaxing guided meditations.

www.theconfidenceclinic.ie

 

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