A run in with a friend at work. A clash with a colleague who is making your life difficult. A battle of wills with a manager. No matter the source of conflict, the end result is distraction, sadness and irritation.
Learning to forgive and move on is not an easy thing to do, but as Lisa Burke from Yoga Soul Academy explains, focusing so much energy on negative thoughts can have a detrimental effect on your mental well-being.
Let me guide you through the scenario that happened to me. One of my close relationships with a friend began to falter. Contact between us got a little less until over the space of a few months the relationship seemed to fade completely. I realised one day, there was no contact between us. This felt deeply upsetting.
Now, I don’t know about you, but in these situations, the mind can be a hot bed of fertile notions and ideas. Stories can begin to develop and very often it’s the other person that fares the worst.
This is called the blame game.
Staying stuck in a place of blame creates so much inner pain and anguish. You can become obsessed with the other person and how they are the reason why you aren’t happy anymore. You convince yourself that your lack of contact is justified, they stopped calling you after all.
Holding onto that type of pain in your body can have a detrimental impact to your mental well-being
Choosing to stay stuck in a place where you feel so much pain in your heart is a toxic place to remain. It can reverberate through other relationships where you begin to lose trust. You begin to believe you can’t trust another or they don’t respect you which is a lonely place to be.
This is not a place of happiness.
All of these emotions of blame are based on not feeling loved. If you’re experiencing hurt, it’s because somebody did not show love towards you. There may be a feeling of justified anger towards them for not treating you right but holding onto that type of pain in your body can have a detrimental impact to your mental well-being. It creates fatigue on the body and the mind. You focus all of this energy on something that is negative. It creates a vortex of energy that pulls you down.
Forgiveness is the ability to open your heart and allow the possibility that there’s another side to this story.
The feeling of fear is actually you experiencing the loss of love, of not feeling loved or cared for. Hate is the absence of love. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr,
“Hate cannot drive out hate;
Only love can do that.”
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the ability to open your heart and to allow the possibility that there’s another side to this story. The other person has their story and you have yours. It’s the willingness to open your heart and allow for their story.
Forgiveness starts in the heart. It has reverberations throughout the rest of your body but begins from a place of love and a willingness to open your heart.
Why do you need to forgive?
The bigger question is ‘Do you want to continue to feel so fatigued and carry all of these negative thoughts? Obsessing about the situation or negatively thinking about the other person is not healthy. Long term it will create a disease in your body.
Feelings of happiness are created when we honour ourselves and others from a place of love.
Through following a few simple steps which I’ll outline here, I transformed the struggles of my own close relationships to a place of love. They’re so simple you may be tempted to skip them but I challenge you to practice this. What is there to lose?
Once you become accountable for your feelings you can begin to see the other person through a compassionate heart. They may actually be having serious life issues that you are unaware of.
3 Ways to Forgive and Let Go
Forgive yourself first.
Nothing can be changed outside of ourselves without first looking within. It starts with you. Stop all of the negative energies flooding towards the other person by taking responsibility for your own emotions.
Once you become accountable for your feelings you can begin to see the other person through a compassionate heart. They may actually be having serious life issues that you are unaware of because you’re so obsessed about your own life. Reaching out to them in a loving way, sending them a message to let them know that you’re thinking about them may be the gift that they need in that moment.
Hawaiian Heart Healing Forgiveness Meditation
This healing meditation is based on the Ho’oponopono forgiveness meditation. This has a powerful effect that can transform any relationship.
It may seem a little silly in its simplicity but here’s how to practice it – imagine the person that you are struggling with right now. As you see them, say the words “I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you.”
Keep repeating these words throughout the day or go deeper by setting up a meditation space for concentration. The real power in this is not ‘over-thinking’ it. Just say it and let it go.
Through love, repentance, forgiveness, and gratitude you can heal any relationship, or whatever it is you are struggling with in your life. Heal the anger or hurt your holding onto. Open to the energy of your compassionate heart and feel unconditional love through forgiveness.
Other articles from Lisa Burke: Living With Anxiety: The Little Things That Help Me Cope
About the Author
Lisa Burke is an author, healer and a certified teacher of Hatha yoga, Kundalini yoga and meditation. Lisa is owner of Danu Yoga Centre in Dublin which provides inspiring weekly classes and workshops. Yoga Soul Academy has grown from this local seed to support and inspire many worldwide. Drawing from the knowledge gathered for over more than 20 years of practice, to help navigate life. Her passion is to enrich your life with practical tools to support your journey to health and vitality through the transforming practices of Kundalini yoga and meditation.
To join the Yoga Soul Academy visit https://yogasoulacademy.com/